The Pickle

HAPPY 12TH BIRTHDAY, PICKLE!!

I'm so proud to be able to say that you are my Grandson! You are such a great kid. You make terrific grades in school, you're nice to your little sister (sometimes), you have great manners (when you want to), your a fast runner, you like to help people AND - you're my GRANDSON!!

I hope your Tuesday was the best - and the whole year will be full of wonderful things for you!

Love,

Grammaw

How To Install A Home Security System

*HOW TO INSTALL A HOME SECURITY SYSTEM*
1. Go to a secondhand store and buy a pair of men's used size 14-16 work boots.
2. Place them on your front porch, along with a copy of Guns & Ammo magazine.
3. Put a few giant dog dishes next to the boots and magazine.
4. Leave a note on your door that reads:

Bubba,
Big'un, Duke, Slim and I went for more ammo and beer. Back in an hour.

Don't mess with the pit bulls - they attacked the mailman this morning and messed him up bad.

I don't think Killer took part, but it was kinda hard to tell from all the blood.

Anyway, I locked all four of 'em in the house. Better wait outside just in case.

Cooter

Rabbit Ears

So, they told us that February was the deadline. Get a converter box by then or you may never see television again!

Now they keep scrolling constantly across our televisions that the switch over will be in June.

All of us older folks said years ago - when cable first came about - that some day they would find a way to make us all pay for television programming. Of course, we didn't expect to see it until at least the year 2005! Oh - wait - it's 2009 already! It's coming - everyone will have pay TV!

And radio!! First we thought nothing would ever touch our old friend AM radio. It's just too 'with it', too 'cool' for anyone to mess with. Let 'em screw around with FM, all they have is classical music and those talk shows. Nobody cares about FM. No sooner do we get soooooo comfortable with our friend AM - and zap - all the good stuff moves to FM! Okay, I can live with that. I know how to make my radio tune in an FM station. This works for me just fine! We old folks love stereo - we actually know how to tune stereo. We just don't do it when you young ones are looking!

Oh, no - they can't leave that alone, either. Now we're all going to have to buy XM or Serius radios - and subscribe to their monthly services as well! I'd be willing to bet the the old time AM and FM radio will be gone before you know it! Nothing left to do but plug into your MP3 - or buy into their new programs!

What do you think?

Or am I too late again???

For Our Wonderful Youth of Today!

Dear Youth of Today,

You've got it so easy! I mean, compared to my childhood, you live in Utopia! And I hate to say it but you kids today you don't know how good you've got it!

I mean, when I was a kid we didn't have The Internet. If we wanted to know something, We had to go to the darned library and look it up ourselves, in the card catalogue!!

There was no email!! We had to actually write somebody a letter, with a pen! Then you had to walk all the way down the street and put it in the mailbox and it would take like a week to get there! Stamps were 10 cents!

Child Protective Services didn't care if our parents beat us. As a matter of fact, the parents of all my friends also had permission to kick our butts, too! No where was safe!

There were no MP3' s or Napsters! You wanted to steal music, you had to hitchhike to the dang record store and shoplift it yourself! Or you had to wait around all day to tape it off the radio and the DJ'd usually talk over the beginning and screwed it all up! There were no CD players! We had tape decks in our car. We'd play our favorite tape and "eject" it when finished and the tape would come undone. Cause that's how we rolled, dig?

We didn't have fancy crap like Call Waiting! If you were on the phone and somebody else called they got a busy signal, that's it! And we didn't have fancy Caller ID either! When the phone rang, you had no idea who it was! It could be your school, your mom, your boss, your Bookie, your drug dealer, a collections agent, you just didn't know!!! You had to pick it up and take your chances, mister!

We didn't have any fancy Sony Playstation video games with high-resolution 3-D graphics! We had the Atari 2600! With games like 'Space Invaders' and asteroids'. Your guy was a little square! You actually had to use your imagination!! And there were no multiple levels or screens, it was just one screen forever! And you could never win. The game just kept getting harder and harder and faster and faster until you died! Just like LIFE!

You had to use a little book called a TV Guide to find out what was on! You were screwed when it came to channel surfing! You had to get off your lazy butt and walk over to the TV to change the channel! There was no Cartoon Network either! You could only get cartoons on Saturday Morning. Do you hear what I'm saying!?! We had to wait ALL WEEK for cartoons, you spoiled little rats! And there were maybe SIX channels to choose from if you were really lucky!

And we didn't have microwaves, if we wanted to heat something up we had to use the stove ... Imagine that!

That's exactly what I'm talking about! You kids today have got it too easy. You're spoiled. You guys wouldn't have lasted five minutes back in 1980 or before!

Regards,
The over 30 Crowd

WHEW!!

We have just narrowly missed a crisis! A storm just came through our neighborhood - and I'm sure that the weather experts will do their studies to decide - but I saw it myself - - we have had a tornado!

There are at least 5 homes within three blocks of us that are really seriously damaged - - no roof, no carport, no screened porches or pool enclosures, walls down. There's siding and insulation in the trees and all over the ground. I can't count the homes with miscellaneous minor damage.

NO INJURIES!!

Our only damage is in the yard and to the pool enclosure. I can sure live with that after seeing the rest of the area!

I went to help a near neighbor - Sweet, young, single mother of three. She was at work - kids were all at school. We could see from our house that her roof was gone. Dub and I walked over - her next door neighbor called her at work and told her how bad it was.

This mom works for Western Waste - yep, she drives a garbage truck! And makes a darned good living doing it. It took her about 30 minutes to get home - - and her mother got there about the same time. We all just kept repeating, "It's only a house."

Here's the greatest part! About 15 minutes later, her boss shows up. He walked around outside the house . . . . walked through inside. He then started making phone calls. Once he got off the phone he helped move everything out of the children's bedrooms; they were the worst off.

Less than an hour later, here comes a crew of guys from Western Waste with plywood, tarps, tools, ladders, etc. As I am typing this, they're over there doing what they can to get coverage over her home before the next wave of rain comes through!

Oh - a few of them even went next door to help the widow over there with a tiny bit of damage she had!

Kinda renews your faith in mankind, doesn't it!

Middleofnowhere, Georgia

We got a phone call this morning from Middleofnowhere, Georgia. It was Dub's daughter L giving us an update on what's happening on their little farm/ranch/home.

As some of you already know, L, husband M, son W (13) and daughter G (5) live on a bunch of acres in a lovely home and have animals - LOTS of animals. One dog, at least 8 cats, maybe 15 pigs, 30 goats, about a zillion chickens, turkeys, ducks, geese, 2 rabbits (soon to be many, many more), 2 pet rats, a miniature bull and I don't know what else they may have picked up lately.

Last week one of the goats had a baby prematurely and just walked away from it. This isn't gonna happen - not with L and G around. The mom and daughter team got rags and cleaned up the little kid (with help from Buddy, the dog), fixed a bottle and started feeding it.

This little thing is about the size of a small puppy - no hair at all - can't even stand up yet - and here they are hugging, petting, loving and feeding it like a baby.

Yesterday while L and G were outside feeding all the critters, they laid the baby goat out in the sun to get some fresh air and maybe nibble on a little grass. Buddy, the guard dog - who thinks everything within the property belongs to him - LOVES that little goat. Ya have to watch him constantly because one day he's going to lick it to death!

All is calm on the farm, the feeding is going just like always - and then Buddy fires up with the barking and growling. Holy cow - he's having a fit. G, having her typical 'I am 5 year old girl' fit goes running - - as she's closest to Buddy. This child knows no fear!

Now we have G and Buddy both running - barking, yelling, waving, jumping - WHEW - that was a close call. Was it a snake? A hawk? A coyote? Oh, no - - one of those deadly, attack turkeys got too close to the baby goat and Buddy's feminine side kicked in.

As G went back to feeding the pigs, Buddy curled up around the tiny goat and they both took a nap.

Happy Easter

Why is it that the Easter Bunny thinks that old ladies and their husbands don't want Easter baskets?

I'm just sayin' . . . . does he think Peeps are just for kids? Chocolate covered marshmallow eggs are not for anyone over 21? Fluffy bunnies only go to cute little girls with dimples?

I'm fixin' to get ready to protest! I want my chocolate bunny! And I want it NOW! And where are my Cadbury Creme Eggs? Like a DOZEN of them???

the Easter Bunny hates me!

Oh, wait! I could go to Walgreen's Monday and it will ALL BE ON SALE!!!! At least 50% off!!

Never mind!

$3,200 LCD 61" Super Gizmo Rob Ya Blind Television of Tomorrow!

Please tell me that this is NOT something that you would do to your poor, innocent little dog! I would never do such things to Dixie or Rascal. I draw the line at Santa hats and reindeer antlers! Okay, maybe I did, one time, put pajamas on Dixie when she was really, really small; but, only ONCE or maybe six times!

Look at this storage idea! Turn your staircase into stacked drawers! I think maybe you would have to do this when you were building the stairs.

I can't imagine trying to do this as a re-fit. . . . hubby would have to be pretty talented in the handyman department to make this work, if ya ask me.

Dub and I went to buy a new TV today. Geez! I was totally unaware that I needed a complete electronics education before walking into any store to even browse! I had looked around the interweb a little - very little.

I thought it couldn't be that danged hard. Our old one is 32" - we wanted one a little bigger . . . and flatter would be nice. That's it. Our first salesman looked at us with pity and greed in his eye as he started showing us the $3,200 LCD 61" Super Gizmo Rob Ya Blind Television of Tomorrow! No, thanks - we're just looking.

I found a salesman I liked much better, told him I wanted something UNDER $1,000, at least 32" - what do ya have! He showed us a pretty good selection; then left us alone to look them over and make up our minds. (Dub isn't going to a bunch of stores shopping around - a tv is a tv - pick one.)

We pick out the tv - I leave Dub and Mr. Salesman to settle the money and I go wandering. When I come back and we start out the door, innocent little me says, "So, what time will they deliver it tomorrow?"

"Some time on the 23rd." Replied Dub.

I'm not so sure I want to repeat exactly what I said in response to that - something like, "What, dear?" Only not quite so calm. Or not so polite. Or not so sweet!

I guess the one we picked out is so popular that it won't be in until then.

Until April 23rd, we will be saddled with dealing with the old tv. The one we are replacing. The one that turns itself off at random times throughout the day and evening. The one that can then only be turned back on by pulling the plug and plugging it back in. EVERY FRIGGING TIME!! Sometimes it does this every five minutes! Sometimes it only does it once an hour.

Toshiba does not care. They will not respond to my emails. My NEW tv is NOT a Toshiba.

Miscellaneous Whatevers

What with today being my birthday - AND National No Housework Day, I've pretty much been just hanging out. Yesterday it was warm here. Today, we're freezing - well, it was 61 - but for US that's freezing. I read a lot of blogs. I baked my birthday cake. I watched tv. I talked to 4 wonderful grand children. I talked to a son, two almost daughters and an almost son. My husband cooked one of my favorite dinners. All is right with the world!

It's almost Easter. I want the Easter Bunny to bring me a baby bunny, a tiny, little bitty puppy that will stay tiny and little bitty and a 20 pound chocolate rabbit!

I found a blog today about idiots in parking lots. Laughed my butt off! The only reason I laughed sooooo hard is because it was too darned true!

Remember the Segway? That electric scooter for adults with the gyro deal in it so you don't have to worry about balancing? The one that you can't use at any Disney parks! The one I've never seen being used anywhere in public? But maybe you have if you live somewhere larger than say 5,000 people! Anywhooo - They are now building a 2-seater version! A 35mph 2-seater version! Wonder how much that baby will set ya back!

Speaking of electric vehicles - - - I saw a high performance motorcycle on tv today. Electric! Has a 150 mile range on each charge - goes 60mph - and actually looks like a motorcycle! It's called a Zero something-or-other.

Our 'investment counselor' called today. She was playing her role as Susie Sunshine today. Our account is up 2% so far for April! Um - yeah, it's only the 7th - and we're only DOWN 48% from where we were 28 months ago! I guess she thinks we're livin' the high life on that 2%!

Tomorrow is gonna be really exciting! We're going to cruise around Melbourne (Florida) until we find the Snap-On Tool guy and get a warranty replacement on some tools. Then we're going to Incredible Pets! An independent pet shop that deals mostly in exotics. I got my first sugar glider from them. They specialize in reptiles (turtles and lizards and snakes, oh my) and birds - - but also have a lot of fish and usually a few fuzzies, too! I like to go and just look. A lot of the critters have big signs on the cages warning that you must have special licenses from the state before you can purchase them. I like the Marmoset Monkeys the best. They have a pair - not for sale - they are both really calm. They're in a huge enclosure and hang together like an old married couple. They hold hands, groom each other, play tag - sometimes they come up to the glass and look at you - and you just want to reach in and introduce yourself and start a conversation. They look so much more intelligent than so many of the people you run into on the street these days!

National No Housework Day

**April 7 is National No Housework Day!!

**It is also my birthday!!

**Anyone who knows me understands that this is not a mere coincidence! I have never been good at any type of housework. I cannot think of any type of housework that I have ever enjoyed. Housework to me is not just drudgery - it is pure torture!

**I have tried to enjoy it. I turn on my favorite music, put on loose, comfortable clothing and tell myself that this will really be FUN, FUN, FUN! My brain ain't buyin' it!

**So - tomorrow - on my birthday/National No Housework Day - I will be doing absolutely NO housework. It's against the law. Like removing those 'Do Not Remove' tags from pillows or something!

**You probably shouldn't take any chances either - I would hate to have to contribute to the fund to raise bail to get you out of jail just because you decided to take a chance and do some housework on April 7!

**Enjoy your bon bons and soap operas!

Cute Little Piggie

What a cute little piggie!

This is the kind of picture that I love to look at.

This is the kind of picture that makes me want to never eat bacon again.

or ham!

or chitterlings!

just kidding about the chitterlings - I've never eaten a chitlin' and I ain't about to start!

Join me at the beach!

I have a friend who sends me pictures from time to time - - and I just love his work.

Every time I see I have mail from him I just can't wait to open it and see the latest creations he has.

Enjoy your trip to the beach today!

Gas Powered Yard Machines Hate Me!

Dub and I decided to get a little outside stuff done today. We rotated the tires on the mower. And while it was jacked up, decided we should remove the blade and sharpen it. I mean, how hard can THAT be?

First of all, our floor jack will not lift the front of the mower high enough to get an impact wrench under the nut we must remove to take the blade off. So Dub decides to do it the easy way (sure!). We jack it up as high as we can. We install jack stands under each side to hold it up. Lower the floor jack, place a brick on the floor jack and then jack the mower a little higher . . . .oh, about a brick-width higher!

Yep, that's good. Dub's ready to stick his whole body in there.. .. .. .. NOPE!! Not while Mrs. Safety (me) is still breathing. There is no way this looks safe enough for me to let a fly go under that mower. I retreat to the storage room and come out with the ramps we use when changing the oil in the Jeep. Okay - I place them under the front wheels of the mower, and tell him to take off the blade.

Never, ever would I say it - - - NEVER - - - but, the instant he hit that impact wrench, the floor jack (with the brick on it) slipped and let the front wheels drop. But only about 1/16" onto the ramps I had installed! Okay, "I told you so", I really did want to say it loudly - but I didn't! I whispered it really soft.

After getting the mower back together with no further adventures - I decided I would do a little weed eating. Of course, the Weedeater and a different idea. Dub pulls the cord once - it starts and runs like crazy.

Dub wanders down the street to discuss the latest mailbox murder with a neighbor as I did damage to some weeds. After a little while, I took a break. Now that darn thing won't start. Won't vroom at all. No amount of yanking on the cord, no amount of choking, not choking, begging, whining, etc. is making a difference. This is our NEW "Start on First Pull" super, duper weed eater! I went into the shed, dug out my 20 year old electric weed eater and super long extension cords, plugged that baby in and ate weeds to my hearts content.

Is it possible that gasoline powered lawn equipment hates me for some unknown reason?