The Pickle

HAPPY 12TH BIRTHDAY, PICKLE!!

I'm so proud to be able to say that you are my Grandson! You are such a great kid. You make terrific grades in school, you're nice to your little sister (sometimes), you have great manners (when you want to), your a fast runner, you like to help people AND - you're my GRANDSON!!

I hope your Tuesday was the best - and the whole year will be full of wonderful things for you!

Love,

Grammaw

How To Install A Home Security System

*HOW TO INSTALL A HOME SECURITY SYSTEM*
1. Go to a secondhand store and buy a pair of men's used size 14-16 work boots.
2. Place them on your front porch, along with a copy of Guns & Ammo magazine.
3. Put a few giant dog dishes next to the boots and magazine.
4. Leave a note on your door that reads:

Bubba,
Big'un, Duke, Slim and I went for more ammo and beer. Back in an hour.

Don't mess with the pit bulls - they attacked the mailman this morning and messed him up bad.

I don't think Killer took part, but it was kinda hard to tell from all the blood.

Anyway, I locked all four of 'em in the house. Better wait outside just in case.

Cooter

Rabbit Ears

So, they told us that February was the deadline. Get a converter box by then or you may never see television again!

Now they keep scrolling constantly across our televisions that the switch over will be in June.

All of us older folks said years ago - when cable first came about - that some day they would find a way to make us all pay for television programming. Of course, we didn't expect to see it until at least the year 2005! Oh - wait - it's 2009 already! It's coming - everyone will have pay TV!

And radio!! First we thought nothing would ever touch our old friend AM radio. It's just too 'with it', too 'cool' for anyone to mess with. Let 'em screw around with FM, all they have is classical music and those talk shows. Nobody cares about FM. No sooner do we get soooooo comfortable with our friend AM - and zap - all the good stuff moves to FM! Okay, I can live with that. I know how to make my radio tune in an FM station. This works for me just fine! We old folks love stereo - we actually know how to tune stereo. We just don't do it when you young ones are looking!

Oh, no - they can't leave that alone, either. Now we're all going to have to buy XM or Serius radios - and subscribe to their monthly services as well! I'd be willing to bet the the old time AM and FM radio will be gone before you know it! Nothing left to do but plug into your MP3 - or buy into their new programs!

What do you think?

Or am I too late again???

For Our Wonderful Youth of Today!

Dear Youth of Today,

You've got it so easy! I mean, compared to my childhood, you live in Utopia! And I hate to say it but you kids today you don't know how good you've got it!

I mean, when I was a kid we didn't have The Internet. If we wanted to know something, We had to go to the darned library and look it up ourselves, in the card catalogue!!

There was no email!! We had to actually write somebody a letter, with a pen! Then you had to walk all the way down the street and put it in the mailbox and it would take like a week to get there! Stamps were 10 cents!

Child Protective Services didn't care if our parents beat us. As a matter of fact, the parents of all my friends also had permission to kick our butts, too! No where was safe!

There were no MP3' s or Napsters! You wanted to steal music, you had to hitchhike to the dang record store and shoplift it yourself! Or you had to wait around all day to tape it off the radio and the DJ'd usually talk over the beginning and screwed it all up! There were no CD players! We had tape decks in our car. We'd play our favorite tape and "eject" it when finished and the tape would come undone. Cause that's how we rolled, dig?

We didn't have fancy crap like Call Waiting! If you were on the phone and somebody else called they got a busy signal, that's it! And we didn't have fancy Caller ID either! When the phone rang, you had no idea who it was! It could be your school, your mom, your boss, your Bookie, your drug dealer, a collections agent, you just didn't know!!! You had to pick it up and take your chances, mister!

We didn't have any fancy Sony Playstation video games with high-resolution 3-D graphics! We had the Atari 2600! With games like 'Space Invaders' and asteroids'. Your guy was a little square! You actually had to use your imagination!! And there were no multiple levels or screens, it was just one screen forever! And you could never win. The game just kept getting harder and harder and faster and faster until you died! Just like LIFE!

You had to use a little book called a TV Guide to find out what was on! You were screwed when it came to channel surfing! You had to get off your lazy butt and walk over to the TV to change the channel! There was no Cartoon Network either! You could only get cartoons on Saturday Morning. Do you hear what I'm saying!?! We had to wait ALL WEEK for cartoons, you spoiled little rats! And there were maybe SIX channels to choose from if you were really lucky!

And we didn't have microwaves, if we wanted to heat something up we had to use the stove ... Imagine that!

That's exactly what I'm talking about! You kids today have got it too easy. You're spoiled. You guys wouldn't have lasted five minutes back in 1980 or before!

Regards,
The over 30 Crowd

WHEW!!

We have just narrowly missed a crisis! A storm just came through our neighborhood - and I'm sure that the weather experts will do their studies to decide - but I saw it myself - - we have had a tornado!

There are at least 5 homes within three blocks of us that are really seriously damaged - - no roof, no carport, no screened porches or pool enclosures, walls down. There's siding and insulation in the trees and all over the ground. I can't count the homes with miscellaneous minor damage.

NO INJURIES!!

Our only damage is in the yard and to the pool enclosure. I can sure live with that after seeing the rest of the area!

I went to help a near neighbor - Sweet, young, single mother of three. She was at work - kids were all at school. We could see from our house that her roof was gone. Dub and I walked over - her next door neighbor called her at work and told her how bad it was.

This mom works for Western Waste - yep, she drives a garbage truck! And makes a darned good living doing it. It took her about 30 minutes to get home - - and her mother got there about the same time. We all just kept repeating, "It's only a house."

Here's the greatest part! About 15 minutes later, her boss shows up. He walked around outside the house . . . . walked through inside. He then started making phone calls. Once he got off the phone he helped move everything out of the children's bedrooms; they were the worst off.

Less than an hour later, here comes a crew of guys from Western Waste with plywood, tarps, tools, ladders, etc. As I am typing this, they're over there doing what they can to get coverage over her home before the next wave of rain comes through!

Oh - a few of them even went next door to help the widow over there with a tiny bit of damage she had!

Kinda renews your faith in mankind, doesn't it!

Middleofnowhere, Georgia

We got a phone call this morning from Middleofnowhere, Georgia. It was Dub's daughter L giving us an update on what's happening on their little farm/ranch/home.

As some of you already know, L, husband M, son W (13) and daughter G (5) live on a bunch of acres in a lovely home and have animals - LOTS of animals. One dog, at least 8 cats, maybe 15 pigs, 30 goats, about a zillion chickens, turkeys, ducks, geese, 2 rabbits (soon to be many, many more), 2 pet rats, a miniature bull and I don't know what else they may have picked up lately.

Last week one of the goats had a baby prematurely and just walked away from it. This isn't gonna happen - not with L and G around. The mom and daughter team got rags and cleaned up the little kid (with help from Buddy, the dog), fixed a bottle and started feeding it.

This little thing is about the size of a small puppy - no hair at all - can't even stand up yet - and here they are hugging, petting, loving and feeding it like a baby.

Yesterday while L and G were outside feeding all the critters, they laid the baby goat out in the sun to get some fresh air and maybe nibble on a little grass. Buddy, the guard dog - who thinks everything within the property belongs to him - LOVES that little goat. Ya have to watch him constantly because one day he's going to lick it to death!

All is calm on the farm, the feeding is going just like always - and then Buddy fires up with the barking and growling. Holy cow - he's having a fit. G, having her typical 'I am 5 year old girl' fit goes running - - as she's closest to Buddy. This child knows no fear!

Now we have G and Buddy both running - barking, yelling, waving, jumping - WHEW - that was a close call. Was it a snake? A hawk? A coyote? Oh, no - - one of those deadly, attack turkeys got too close to the baby goat and Buddy's feminine side kicked in.

As G went back to feeding the pigs, Buddy curled up around the tiny goat and they both took a nap.

Happy Easter

Why is it that the Easter Bunny thinks that old ladies and their husbands don't want Easter baskets?

I'm just sayin' . . . . does he think Peeps are just for kids? Chocolate covered marshmallow eggs are not for anyone over 21? Fluffy bunnies only go to cute little girls with dimples?

I'm fixin' to get ready to protest! I want my chocolate bunny! And I want it NOW! And where are my Cadbury Creme Eggs? Like a DOZEN of them???

the Easter Bunny hates me!

Oh, wait! I could go to Walgreen's Monday and it will ALL BE ON SALE!!!! At least 50% off!!

Never mind!